Losing You
by Christian Fangurl
Summary: When one of the Cartwright boys gets very sick, the others have to face the fact that they might lose him. No pairings. Character death. My first Bonanza fanfic, so be nice! No slash. Rated T to be safe.
1. Chapter 1

Hi! This fanfic is very sad, so if you don't like sad fanfics, you won't want to read this. But if you do read this, please review and be honest, but nice!

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It was a bright and sunny morning at the Ponderosa, and Ben, Hoss and Little Joe were all at the breakfast table, waiting for Adam.

After a little while, Little Joe said, "Pa, it's just not like Adam to be late for breakfast."

Ben was starting to get a little worried as he said, "Yeah, maybe I'd better go check on him."

Ben got up and went up the stairs to Adam's room. When he went into the room, he saw that Adam was still in bed.

Ben walked over to his son and gently shook him, saying, "Come on, Adam, it's time to get up."

Adam groaned and looked up at his pa and weakly said, "Pa, I don't feel very good."

Ben really got worried then, because if Adam admitted that he wasn't feeling well, it was serious.

Ben then noticed that his son's face was red.

Ben put his hand on Adam's fore-head and quickly pulled it back.

He said, "Why, you're burning up, son!"

Adam didn't say anything, so Ben said, "I think you'd better stay in bed."

Ben knew it was serious when Adam didn't even protest.

Ben went back downstairs, and Little Joe said, "What's wrong, Pa?"

Ben said, "Adam's got a high fever."

Hoss and Joe looked surprised and were quiet for a while, before Little Joe said, "Is he gonna be ok?"

Ben, a solemn look on his face said, "I don't know. What bothered me is that he admitted he wasn't feeling good. You know how Adam is. He wouldn't admit to not feeling good unless he was really feeling terrible."

Hoss and Little Joe were quiet until Joe said, "Do you want me to go get the doctor?"

Ben shook his head and said, "I'll send you after the doctor if Adam gets any worse."

Little Joe said, "Ok, Pa."

Ben said, "I'm going to check on him every few minutes. I want you boys to check on him, too."

Hoss and Little Joe nodded.

They quickly ate their breakfast and headed outside.

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Do you like it so far? Please review!


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for the reviews! I'll admit this story is not very good, but I'm posting it anyway. I'm not a very good writer, but I do my best. Also, this fanfic is very short. It's only 6 chapters long. But I hope you like it anyway! **

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A little while later, Ben and Hoss were checking on Ben's horse, which had hurt himself on some barbed wire, when Little Joe, who had been sent to check on Adam, came running towards them, shouting, "Pa!"

Ben's horse spooked a little bit and Hoss and Ben glared at Little Joe, but their glares softened when they saw how scared he was.

Ben said, "What is it, Joe, what's wrong?"

Little Joe, who was panting after he'd ran, said, "It's Adam."

Ben's blood ran cold.

Little Joe continued, "He's delirious, and I actually burned my hand when I touched his fore-head."

Ben's face was solemn, with a hint of fear, as he said, "Joe, I want you to go get the doctor. And hurry!"

Joe nodded and ran to get his horse.

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When Joe got back with the doctor, they both went straight to Adam's room, where Ben was, sitting in a chair by his son's bed. Hoss was there, too.

The doctor said, "Ben, Joe, Hoss, I need you to leave the room. If it's what I think it is, it's contagious."

Ben was reluctant to leave his son, but he knew it was for the best.

Ben, Hoss, and Little Joe waited outside the door for what seemed like hours before the doctor came out.

His face was solemn as he said, "It's what I thought it was."

Ben said, "And what is it?"

"It's that disease that's been going around. It doesn't have a name, but it's deadly."

Ben inhaled sharply and said, "How deadly?"

The doctor sighed and said, "Let's just say that twenty people around here have gotten this disease, and fifteen have died. You see, when a person gets this disease, he has a high fever for a few days, and during the fever, the disease does a lot of damage to the person's body. After the fever, it just depends on whether the person is strong enough to make it through. Some are strong enough, some aren't. And I know Adam's strong, but I've seen men stronger than him die of this disease. There's nothing we can do but wait."

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**Please Review! Oh, by the way, the disease that Adam has is completely made-up. **


	3. Chapter 3

**This chapter will probably be a little choppy. I wasn't sure how else to do it. But I hope someone likes it anyway!**

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Two days passed, and Adam still had a very high fever, and was often delirious.

The doctor was always there, not allowing Ben, Hoss or Little Joe into Adam's room.

But the next morning, three days after Adam had first gotten sick, the doctor came down the stairs and said, "Ben."

Ben, who had been pacing the floor, worried sick, walked over to the doctor and said, "How is he?"

The doctor sighed and said, "I have good news and bad news."

Hoss came over and said, "Good news first."

"Alright. The fever is gone. The disease has run its course."

Ben felt relieved, but his relief vanished when he saw the look on the doctor's face.

"What's the bad news?"

The doctor sighed and said, "It's very bad. Ben, you remember when I told you that some people that have this disease are not strong enough after the fever and some are?"

Ben felt a lump in his throat as he said, "Yes, I do."

The doctor said, "Well, I'm sorry to say that I don't think Adam is strong enough to recover. The disease did a lot of damage, like I said it would, and it left him very weak."

Little Joe said, "So, what are you saying?"

The doctor looked at Little Joe and said, "I'm saying that your brother will most likely not live much longer."

The news hit Ben, Hoss and Little Joe very hard. They had hoped and prayed that Adam would be ok, but now they were being told that he was going to die.

Ben, after a long silence, said, "Can we see him?"

The doctor said, "Yes. The disease is no longer contagious after the fever."

Ben, Hoss and Little Joe slowly went up the stairs.

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**Please review if you want me to continue.**


	4. Chapter 4

**In this chapter, the characters may be a little OOC (Out of character). Just a warning. **

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When they opened the door, Ben, Hoss and Little Joe were all surprised at just how sick Adam looked.

His eyes were closed, and his skin was pale.

Ben swallowed hard as he looked at his oldest son.

It was hard for Ben to believe all that had happened within the last few days, and even harder to believe the news the doctor had just told them.

Ben decided that he would not wake Adam.

Ben whispered to Hoss and Little Joe, "I don't want to wake him. We'll come back later."

But just as they turned to walk out the door, Ben heard a weak, familiar voice say, "Pa."

Ben turned around and, seeing that Adam was awake, tried to smile and went to Adam's side.

Ben, his voice rather shaky, said, "Hey, Adam. How are you feeling?"

Adam sighed and weakly said, "Like I got caught in a stampede."

Ben smiled a little bit, and Adam weakly smiled back.

Ben felt a lump in his throat as he realized that he wouldn't be seeing that smile much longer.

Adam slowly turned his head toward his brothers and said, "Hey, Hoss. Hey, Joe."

Hoss, his voice cracking, said, "Hey, Adam."

Little Joe couldn't say anything.

Adam said, "Hoss, take care of Little Joe for me, will you?"

Hoss said, "Don't talk like that! You're gonna get better."

Adam softly said, "No. No, I won't."

Ben felt tears pricking at his eyes.

He was losing his son, and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

Adam felt himself getting weaker and weaker.

He knew he didn't have much longer.

He turned to Little Joe and said, "Joe, try to stay out of trouble."

Little Joe shakily replied, "I will."

Little Joe felt as if his heart was breaking.

You never realize how much someone means to you until you're faced with the heart-wrenching challenge of losing them.

Joe felt tears coming on as he said, "Adam, please… don't…"

The tears came down his face as he continued, his voice breaking, "Don't go!"

Adam sighed. He knew this was hard on his brothers and his pa, but it wasn't like he could do anything about it.

So Adam weakly replied, between labored breaths, "I'm afraid… the choice… isn't up to me… or any of us."

It was getting harder for Adam to talk and breathe now.

Ben couldn't hold back his tears any longer. They streamed down his face, and Adam turned toward his pa and said, "Please don't cry, Pa."

Ben, struggling to keep his voice level, said, "I can't help it."

Everyone was quiet for a while, then Hoss sadly said, "What… what are we going to do without you, Adam?"

Adam sighed and said, "You'll learn how to move on."

Adam then turned toward Ben and, struggling to form the words, said, "Pa, promise me… you won't become bitter… or blame yourself."

Ben, who was still crying, said, "I promise."

Adam knew he was very close to death.

The light started to leave his eyes as he looked at his pa and, with the last of his strength, whispered, "I love you, Pa."

Ben, Hoss and Little Joe knew this was it.

Ben, his voice shaky, said, "I love you, too, son."

Adam closed his eyes.

His chest rose, then it fell.

And it didn't rise again.

Adam was gone.

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**Sad, I know. But I did warn you. Review please!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Ok, this chapter isn't that good, but I'm posting it anyway.**

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Ben was never the same after that day.

Nothing was the same.

Ben, Hoss, and Little Joe tried to get on with life, but everywhere they looked, there was something that reminded them of Adam.

After the funeral, Ben tried his best to be strong for his two remaining sons.

But on the inside, Ben was falling apart.

He held it all in.

All the grief, pain, confusion, tears, questions and fear that he would lose another son.

Little Joe was starting to worry about his pa.

He knew he was hurting; they all were.

But Little Joe knew that something inside his pa had died along with Adam.

He also knew that if his pa didn't get it all out, it would destroy him.

He would turn bitter, and Joe knew that was the last thing Adam would want.

Ben had promised his son that he wouldn't turn bitter, and Little Joe was going to help his pa keep that promise.

Little Joe decided to have a talk with his pa.

Which would be hard, because ever since… what had happened, Ben had kept busy, in order to try to avoid the pain he felt.

Little Joe thought, _I have to get Pa to talk. Because if I don't, I'll be failing him… and Adam. And I can't do that. If I do nothing, it'll be my fault, not Pa's._

So Little Joe decided that he would talk with his pa the next day.

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**Review?**


	6. Chapter 6

**Ok, I know you're probably mad at me, and you have a right to be. I'm sorry. The reason I didn't post this earlier is the fact that it's not very good and I was afraid of what people would think. But I decided to post it now, so… here it is, the last chapter.**

The next day, Ben came through the door and Little Joe, who was standing by the fireplace, said, "Pa, I need to talk to you."

Ben walked over to his desk and said, "Not now, Joe, I'm busy."

Little Joe softly said, "Busy running away from what you can't change?"

Ben looked at Little Joe, his face a mixture of many different emotions.

Finally, he sighed a broken sigh and sat down his chair, his head in his hands.

After a while, he lifted his head up and said, "Joe, I'll be honest with you. Whenever there's a moment I'm not busy, I find myself blaming myself. And I promised him I wouldn't do that! But these thoughts keep coming, and this pain like I've never felt before comes and…"

Ben felt tears coming on, and he did his best to fight them.

He continued, "So I keep myself busy to try to avoid it."

Little Joe was quiet for a while before he said, "And in the process of keeping yourself busy, you push Hoss and I away. Pa, you can't keep doing that. We need each other. Hoss and I just want to help you."

Ben's voice rose as he said, "How can you help me? Can you make this pain go away? Can you turn back time to those moments I wish I could go back to? Can you bring Adam back?"

There was a long pause before Ben, surprised by his own out-burst, said, "I'm sorry, Joe. I…I know you want to help me, I just don't see how you can."

Little Joe sighed and said, "Pa, I know you're hurting. So are we. We miss him, too. But you can't keep running away from the pain. That'll only make it worse."

There was a pause.

Ben couldn't fight the pain, memories and tears anymore.

The tears streamed down his face, and before he knew it, he was sobbing.

Little Joe was at his pa's side in an instant.

As Ben cried, suddenly he felt as if a weight had been lifted. The pain was gone, and he knew the healing had begun.

Ben took a shaky breath and said, "Joe, thank you."

Little Joe's voice was also shaky as he said, "You're welcome, Pa."

Ben stood up and he hugged his son.

And in that moment, they both knew that even though the healing had indeed begun, things would never be the same again without Adam.

But as Ben looked at his youngest son, he knew he wouldn't be alone.

And as Ben and Little Joe walked outside, they both felt an assuring feeling that everything was going to be ok, despite the fact that Adam was gone.

It would be hard, but with God's help, they would move on.

THE END

**Please Review!**


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